Manipulation is a hidden psychological impact. Every day you become the object of someone else's manipulation. Manipulators make you change your mind, do what you would not like. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand when they are trying to manipulate you.
Instruction manual
one
Consider your goals. And try to understand the true goals of your opponent. You may feel that he has completely opposite tasks. But with all his appearance he gives that he is on your side. In this case, it is clear that you have become the object of manipulation.
Manipulators, as a rule, hide their true goals, pretending to be your benefactor and savior. But his task is to mislead you so that you do not guess about anything and do not convict him of deception.
2
Think about whether you can change your point of view if you agree with this person. After all, a change in one's opinion, behavior, attitude is the result of manipulation.
You are an object of manipulation if your interlocutor is so charming that you want to make him comfortable and change your line of behavior.
3
Watch your emotions. When you are manipulated, you may experience an imbalance of emotions. They seem to speak well of you, praise and extol, but for some reason this is unpleasant for you. Negative emotions arise, which are signs of manipulation.
4
Be on the lookout if the other person suddenly begins to praise you and speak in eternal friendship. Praise may be followed by a request that you do not want to fulfill.
But if you fall under the influence of the manipulator, then refusing to do something will be inconvenient. You will try to keep a “good opinion” of yourself in the eyes of the manipulator. Therefore, restrain praise.
5
Analyze your opponent’s actions. Does he try to knock you out of emotional balance, causing a feeling of fear or guilt.
The manipulator can support your fears and provoke actions that supposedly help you. Often manipulators operate with such feelings of people as ambition, vanity, the desire to compete.
6
Consider the behavior of the interlocutor. If he too persistently achieves something, advises, then this is an example of a primitive manipulator.
Often this type of manipulator tries to achieve its goals, showing you its location and friendliness. But from time to time he tries to puzzle you with his requests.
7
Psychological manipulation is a type of social, psychological impact, a socio-psychological phenomenon that represents the desire to change the perception or behavior of other people with the help of hidden, deceitful and violent tactics. Since, as a rule, such methods promote the interests of the manipulator, often at the expense of other people, they can be considered exploitative, violent, dishonest and unethical.
Social impact is not always negative. For example, a doctor may try to convince a patient to change unhealthy habits. Social impact is usually considered harmless when it respects a person’s right to accept or reject it and is not overly coercive. Depending on the context and motivation, social impact may be hidden manipulation.
Conditions for Successful Manipulation
According to George K. Simon, the success of psychological manipulation primarily depends on how much the manipulator:
- hides aggressive intentions and behavior;
- knows the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine which tactics will be most effective;
- has enough cruelty not to worry about what will harm the victim if necessary.
Consequently, the manipulation remains most often hidden - relational-aggressive (English relational aggression) or passively aggressive.
How manipulators control their victims
According to breaker
Harriet B. Braiker has identified the following key ways that manipulators control their victims:
- positive reinforcement - praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy ("crocodile tears"), excessive apology; money, approval, gifts; attention, facial expressions such as feigned laughter or smile; public acceptance;
- negative reinforcement - getting rid of a problematic, unpleasant situation as a reward.
- unsustainable or partial reinforcement - can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or unsustainable positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persevere - for example, in most forms of gambling, a player can win from time to time, but in total he will still lose;
- punishment — reproaches, screaming, “playing silence”, intimidation, threats, abuse, emotional blackmail, imposition of guilt, sullen look, deliberate crying, image of the victim;
- traumatic one-time experience - verbal abuse, outburst of anger or other frightening behavior in order to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can teach the victim to avoid confrontation or contradiction with the manipulator.
According to Simon
Simon has identified the following management methods:
- Falsehood - it is difficult to determine whether someone is lying during a statement, and often the truth can be revealed later, when it is too late. The only way to minimize the possibility of being deceived is to realize that some types of individuals (especially psychopaths) - masters in the art of lying and fraud, do this in a systematic and often subtle way.
- Deceiving by silence is a very subtle form of lying by concealing a substantial amount of truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
- Denial - the manipulator refuses to admit that he or she did something wrong.
- Rationalization - the manipulator justifies its inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely connected with the “back” - a form of propaganda or PR, see spin-doctor.
- Minimization is a form of denial combined with rationalization. The manipulator claims that his behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else believes, for example, stating that ridicule or insult was only a joke.
- Selective inattention or selective attention - the manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that could upset his plans, saying something like "I do not want to hear this."
- Distraction - the manipulator does not give a direct answer to the direct question and instead transfers the conversation to another topic.
- An excuse is like a distraction, but with the provision of irrelevant, incoherent, obscure answers, using vague expressions.
- Hidden intimidation - the manipulator forces the victim to play the role of the defending party, using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
- False guilt is a special type of intimidation tactic. The manipulator hints to the conscientious victim that she is not careful enough, too selfish, or frivolous. This usually leads to the fact that the victim begins to experience negative feelings, falls into a state of uncertainty, anxiety or submission.
- Shame - the manipulator uses sarcasm and offensive attacks to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel insignificant and therefore obey them. Tactics of shaming can be very skillful, for example, a harsh expression or look, an unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make them feel ashamed, even for their insolence, to challenge their actions. This is an effective way to instill a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
- Condemnation of the victim - in comparison with any other tactics, this is the most powerful way to force the victim to be a defending side, while masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator.
- The role of the victim ("I am unhappy") - the manipulator portrays himself as a victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to achieve pity, sympathy or compassion and thus achieve the desired goal. Caring and conscientious people cannot help but sympathize with other people's suffering, and the manipulator can often play sympathy in order to achieve cooperation.
- Playing the role of a servant - the manipulator hides self-serving intentions under the guise of serving a more noble cause, for example, claiming that he acts in a certain way because of "obedience" and "service" to God or another authoritative figure.
- Seduction - the manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery, or openly supports the victim in order to reduce her resistance and earn trust and loyalty.
- Projection of guilt (blaming others) - the manipulator makes the victim a scapegoat, often in a subtle, difficult to detect way.
- Pretending to be innocent - the manipulator tries to suggest that any harm he inflicted was unintentional, or that he did not do what he was accused of. The manipulator can take the form of surprise or resentment. This tactic forces the victim to question his own judgment and, possibly, his prudence.
- Simulation of confusion - the manipulator tries to pretend to be a fool, pretending to not know what they are telling him, or that he has mixed up an important issue that he is paying attention to.
- Aggressive anger - The manipulator uses anger to achieve emotional intensity and rage in order to shock the victim and make him obey. The manipulator does not really experience a feeling of anger, only plays the scene. He wants what he wants and becomes “angry” when he does not get what he wants.
- Declassing - declassing a victim, with subsequent compensation by the victim for his alleged insignificance, with benefit for the manipulator.
Manipulation Vulnerabilities
Manipulators usually spend considerable time studying the characteristics and vulnerabilities of their victims.
According to Breaker, manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities (“buttons”) that may exist in victims:
- passion for pleasure
- propensity to gain the approval and recognition of others
- emotophobia (Emotophobia) - fear of negative emotions
- lack of independence (assertiveness) and the ability to say no
- vague self-awareness (with vague personal boundaries)
- low self confidence
- external locus of control
Vulnerabilities according to Simon:
- naivety - it is too difficult for the victim to accept the idea that some people are cunning, dishonest and ruthless, or she denies that she is in the position of the persecuted.
- superconsciousness - the victim is too keen to provide the manipulator with the presumption of innocence and takes his side, that is, the point of view of the victim,
- low self-confidence - the victim is not self-confident, she lacks conviction and perseverance, she too easily finds herself in the position of the defending side.
- excessive intellectualization - the victim is trying too hard to understand the manipulator and believes that he has some clear reason to do harm.
- emotional dependence - the victim has a subordinate or dependent personality. The more the victim is emotionally dependent, the more vulnerable she is to exploitation and management.
According to Martin Kantor, the following people are vulnerable to psychopathic manipulators:
- too gullible - honest people often assume that everyone else is honest. They trust people they barely know without checking documents, etc. They rarely turn to so-called experts;
- too altruistic - the opposite of psychopathic; too honest, too fair, too sensitive;
- too impressionable - overly susceptible to someone else's charm;
- too naive - who cannot believe that dishonest people exist in the world, or who believe that if such people exist, they would not be allowed to act;
- too masochistic - lack of self-esteem and subconscious fear make it possible to use them to your advantage. They think they deserve it out of guilt;
- too narcissistic - prone to falling in love with undeserved flattery;
- too greedy - greedy and dishonest may fall prey to a psychopath who can easily seduce them into acting in an immoral way;
- too immature - have inferior judgments and too trust in exaggerated advertising promises;
- too materialistic - easy prey for usurers and offering schemes of quick enrichment;
- too dependent - need someone else's love and therefore gullible and inclined to say yes when you should answer no;
- too lonely - can accept any offer of human contact. A stranger psychopath can offer friendships at a set price;
- too impulsive - make hasty decisions, for example, about what to buy or whom to marry without consulting other people;
- too economical - cannot reject a deal, even if they know the reason why the offer is so cheap;
- elderly - may be weary and less able to simultaneously perform many tasks. Hearing a promotional offer, they are less likely to suggest fraud. Older people are more likely to finance unsuccessful people.
To carry out manipulations, systematic errors of thinking, such as cognitive distortions, can be used.
The motives of the manipulators
Possible motives for manipulators:
- the need to virtually advance your own goals and personal benefits at virtually any cost,
- the need to acquire a sense of power and superiority over others,
- desire and need to feel like a dictator,
- gaining dominance over others in order to raise their own self-esteem.
- the desire to play, manipulating the victim, and enjoy it,
- habit, after constant manipulation of the victims,
- desire to practice and test the effectiveness of any tricks.