Do you have friends or acquaintances who have been telling you about a problem for a week, or even a year, but cannot solve it at all. You look at such a person and you are surprised: “Well, then, everything can be settled in just a couple of steps. Why doesn’t he do anything and continue to suffer?” It amazes you how this person can live so long in the shadow of an easily resolved problem. Is it that simple?
What could be the reasons that someone cannot cope with the situation from time to time, and is there a chance to help him? And most importantly: is it necessary?
1. Imaginary syndrome of the victim. Some suffer because they just like to suffer. More precisely, they do not even suffer, but relish this feeling, enjoy it. Due to lack of attention, some may crave for elementary pity, and therefore their stories about an ever-unresolved problem satisfy this need. Others essentially like the situation itself, where they allegedly became a hostage to circumstances. But by and large, they are not hostages at all, but dictators of this situation.
For example, a girl complains that men are constantly harassing her, that she is tired of fighting off them, that she is afraid to go out, and one calls him all day. You look at her and understand that this is understandable: her appearance is so provocative that it cannot be otherwise. And it is enough for an obsessive fan to explain in a harsh manner that he is not welcome here, and that will be enough. But what does a girl do? She does not change outwardly. And she rather playfully refuses the pursuer, who safely and continues to call her. Why is she doing this? Because she likes this situation. Why then does she envelop this situation in the form of a problem and complain? To look like a victim, not a dictator, who rules the world of men.
2. Typical laziness. Some problems are not solved only because they are just too lazy to do something more to get better results.
For example, someone complains that he has so much potential, but there are no opportunities for its development. For comparison, a simple hard worker at the factory successfully fulfills his duties for little money and every now and then tells the master how to remove these or those "jambs". In general, he himself could be a very excellent master. But there are so many of these same “buts.” You need to get crusts, but for this you need to take time off, enroll in courses and spend part of a very small salary for training. And then also to go to an educational institution every day or to live in another city for this at all … What can I say - laziness.
3. Fear of failure. People are afraid to take on a concrete solution to the problem, because they are afraid to crash. They are ready daily to put up with the existence of this problem, than to see something that they are not used to.
For example, a young woman on maternity leave, who had not yet had time to properly gain experience, could fully take up orders, because she is an excellent seamstress. But the fear that she would not succeed, allows her to take only rare orders from friends, to change the lightning and to cut off her trousers. She thinks: “I’ll learn from different orders of friends and then I’ll already post an ad on the network.” And in this unpretentious way, she pushes herself away from the goal. As a result, he receives pathetic pennies for his orders and complains that life is not enough.
4. There is still time. Someone can simply shift the problem the next day, because everything seems to him that he has these days ahead in bulk and nothing will happen to this problem yet.
For example, a girl lost weight due to her emotional problems. She began to lose weight rapidly. But in the end, it has become so weak that you can see with an unaided medical eye - anorexia. Urgent medical intervention is needed. But she continues to go to work, hardly taking her forty kilograms there. And every day it fades more. Yes, she already understands that she is not "fat." For many months now she’s not fat. But she still thinks that gaining weight is as easy as losing it. She puts off going to the doctor, not even realizing that her heart is becoming more and more like a practically discharged gadget every day. Yes, she has time. But why bother when it ends?
5. I do not see the problem - that means it does not exist.
Someone does not solve a long-standing problem only because he does not understand its essence, does not see it.
For example, a husband and a young wife after the wedding settled in his house with her mother-in-law. He goes to work every day, and when he comes, he does not want to delve into the nuances of the relationship that arose between his mother and wife. And my wife just wants to climb on the wall from resentment and mental pain. All day she only listened to reproaches, that she couldn’t do this and she didn’t succeed. And how is such a fantastic man married such stupidity. To resolve this internal conflict, you need only one action - to find a separate housing. But for this, the spouse must see the problem, must feel the condition of the woman. While she will be silent or break away in screams, he is unlikely to hear.
There can be many reasons why people do not solve stagnant problems. And it is important to understand these reasons. Then it becomes clear who is just enough to listen to, someone to suggest a different view of the situation, and whom to push for action.