In modern society, it is customary to think that children should always cause emotion. But some people are only irritated when they see children. What lies behind such hostility and is it possible to change things?
In modern society, it seems strange to be indifferent to other people's children. Although tribal communities do not show particular sympathy for other people's children and many animals are aggressively opposed to other people's offspring, people still continue to blame others for the lack of expected tenderness.
When does Adult prevail
According to the theory of the Canadian scientist Eric Burn, our “I” can be in three different states: Child, Parent and Adult. We either copy the behavior of our parents and act out the scenario of their lives, or behave as we did in childhood, or act consciously as a mature adult.
It is possible that behind the hostility towards children lies the Adult, who in every possible way restrains the manifestations of the Child, such as spontaneity and emotionality. The reasons may be different: the lack of an example of a caring parent in childhood, the lack of encouragement of the manifestation of these traits in childhood, etc.
Thus, a person, while communicating with a child, faces an alternative choice: either immerse himself in the state of the Child, entering a child’s game, or remain in the Adult state, having assumed a serious look. Such a person in the state of the Parent is uncomfortable. At a subconscious level, the individual refuses to give what he did not receive in his childhood, and even envies a too spoiled child. And if through his children he can try to get rid of old injuries by giving the child something that he did not have, then other people's children are just an unpleasant reminder of the “sick” episodes.
How to solve the problem?
Be more tolerant in the first place to yourself. Think about what children’s activities would please you and do them. Even though this seems silly, this approach will help you resolve your internal conflict.
When a person is afraid to be exposed
As a rule, children are open in the manifestation of their emotions, while most adults hide their true feelings and carefully control their behavior. Moreover, sometimes true desires can hide even from themselves. Children are very insightful and without ceremony can put us in an awkward position by exposing us. And if we can still silence our child, we cannot influence a stranger. Hence the discomfort: when a person wants to hide something, he at a subconscious level feels that the child sees through him and will not remain silent.
How to solve the problem?
Give yourself a break. You do not have to feel “right, ” emotions are your own business. And if in your actions you are obliged to obey the rules of the society in which you live, then in your feelings there isn’t. Give yourself freedom, and you will have nothing to expose.
When a person realizes his imperfection
Often, alongside other people's children, we become aware of our failure as a parent. We take a defensive position out of fear that the parent of another child, softer or more severe than us, will condemn us. Therefore, we see someone else's baby as ill-mannered, too noisy and naughty.
Reasoning, we rely on the following logic: if someone else’s child behaves badly, then his parent educates him badly, and we educate his child differently and, therefore, do well. And in this case, dislike for other people's children is an indicator of low self-esteem and the desire to find confirmation of the correctness of their actions.
How to solve the problem?
Stop worrying about evaluating your parenting method. There are no ideal parents, your task is to give your child everything that is possible, and most importantly - love and care. Understand why you are so afraid of criticism as a parent in your address and get rid of this fear.