There are two theories about the roots of narcissistic personalities: parents give them too much or too little attention in childhood. Which of these is true?
Daffodils are convinced of their own superiority. They do not have a stable self-esteem, therefore they constantly rethink reality in their favor. And if they do not receive confirmation of their own significance in the eyes of others, this leads to the development of their feelings of envy and jealousy. Either they are the best, or they cost nothing at all.
Because of their fragile self-esteem, it is difficult for them to control their emotions: small disagreements with others cause them to be hysterical. No wonder narcissism creates interpersonal problems.
The problem with Narcissus, a beautiful young man from ancient Greek mythology, was not that he loved himself very much, but that he did not love anyone but himself. He despised even the charming nymph, and this was followed by punishment: he fell in love with his own attitude in the mirror.
How to recognize a daffodil in modern life? Suppose you are talking to a daffodil at a party. As soon as he finds out about your profession, he will explain to you how this sphere works, even if he has no idea about it. Or another option: he bombards you with questions about your personal or professional life, while he seems quite interested. However, at the end of the conversation, you understand that you did not really know anything about your interlocutor.
Signs of narcissistic personality disorder:
- a grandiose sense of importance, an exaggeration of own achievements and talents, - thirst for admiration, - profit-oriented relationships, - lack of empathy and respect for the feelings and needs of others, - envy, or the conviction that they envy him, - arrogance
- Belief in own exclusiveness and desire to be on an equal footing with significant people, - fantasies of power, success, beauty, or perfect love
There are two types of narcissism. The first is completely absorbed in its own significance, flaunts its exclusivity, experiencing the need for admiration. The second is more socially pleasant, but at the same time vulnerable. He is characterized by feelings of shame and heightened sensitivity to criticism and rejection.
However, these two types may be inherent in one person. The same person may be the king of the party, and the next day, worry about what impression he made. One and the same person can be dazzling on stage, and at the same time in other moments very vulnerable.
Narcissism originates in childhood. If the parents do not satisfy their child’s needs for attention and understanding, the child becomes insecure, reacts anxiously: “Why don’t you see how I feel?”, “Why don’t you do something to make me feel better?”. After an infinite number of disappointments, the child "decides" that he wants to do without other people. But the tragedy is that the daffodil really needs other people. His parents did not let him know that they love him. That's why he has such a need to be admired. And as a result, he pushes others away. It turns out a vicious circle.
Conviction of superiority is not the same as high self-esteem. Narcissus is convinced that the value of people is expressed hierarchically, and he puts himself on a lonely pedestal. A person with high self-esteem considers himself valuable, but no more valuable than others. It turns out that there are daffodils, both with high and low self-esteem.
Self-esteem and narcissism manifest at around the age of seven. Only then do children develop a general judgment about themselves, including comparing themselves to peers. At this age, they begin to think about what impression they make on others. Narcissism is an attempt to compensate for the emptiness arising from the lack of parental warmth. Children try to imagine themselves “great” when they do not see love and understanding from their parents. Another explanation is that parents exalt the child and are prone to greatly exaggerated and undeserved compliments. For example, parents consider their child smarter than their IQ suggests. Very often, such parents give their children bizarre names.
The child gets used to consider himself special when the parents treat him accordingly, and he develops demanding thinking, when the parents assign him a certain status.
Clinical practice and psychological research do not understand the same thing as narcissism. Clinical psychotherapists see him as an early ongoing developmental disorder, and social psychologists define narcissism as a personality trait.
How should parents behave to prevent narcissism in children?
- Try to objectively evaluate the results of your child, - praise zeal, not the result, - praise adequately, - do not push him to surpass others,
- Do not claim special privileges for your child.
To increase the child’s self-esteem:
- Show your child that he is valuable to you, - do something together
- hug him more often, - Show interest in what he does.