Psychological manipulation is something that many have to face in family life. Moreover, it does not matter who acts as such a puppeteer - spouse, children, parents - in any case, it is rather difficult to endure, and sometimes impossible. Therefore, one of the most common questions in the office of family psychologists: how to live with a manipulator.
Manipulators use all kinds of tricks in their arsenal to achieve their goal. Moreover, the methods can be completely different - from a disarming smile and clapping cilia to health complaints due to failure to fulfill their wishes. Moreover, the closer people are to each other, the more difficult it is to resist such manipulations.
Psychologists are sure: getting along with the manipulator is quite difficult. After all, he knows your sore points and always presses on them to achieve his goal. Close people, of course, know these points better than anyone and skillfully use such knowledge in their arsenal.
Recognizing the manipulator is not so difficult. Firstly, in dealing with him you feel wrong. And always. The manipulator is firmly convinced that he is always right. Usually this is the fault of parents who are confident that they are right, not even 100, but all 200, or even 500%. They know for sure that you yourself are not able to make decisions, up to the point that you cannot pick up socks for a tracksuit. Men also like to regularly show their superiority and emphasize that they know everything better than their lady.
Secondly, you are constantly under stress. You may not be aware that when you spend evenings with your husband together, you constantly swear. The manipulator is constantly trying to pull you by the strings. Guilt, some wrong deeds - and that’s all, he will remind you of them in order to show you how beautiful he is against this background. Wives also sin like these, trying to prove to their spouse that they are better. At the same time, even the most forbidden means are used - hints or even a frank admission that a man in bed is bad, comparing him with others, etc.
Thirdly, you feel that you are dependent on the manipulator. Sooner or later, the realization comes that he may be right, and you really have many shortcomings that are just terrible and prevent everyone around you from living. As a result, a new attitude to the manipulator arises - complete submission to it.
Against this background, the victim's self-esteem is rapidly falling. Deficiencies grow and become more and more, until they are inflated to the maximum possible size. For the manipulator - this is the most favorable moment, because it can now turn you around as you like.
If you find that you live with a manipulator, do not cut it in a rush. After all, you can get along with this, if his manipulations, of course, do not go beyond the bounds of the permissible and do not become real mockeries. Moreover, there is no guarantee that the next partner will be different. It is impossible to part with parents and children, so you have to act.
It is necessary to act with the manipulator by its own methods. He certainly does not expect this from you. It is pointless to reproach you with the manipulator, as in your actions he will see himself and understand that you can just as well put forward a counterclaim to him. If he nevertheless tries to return the situation under his control, you can make an innocent person and ask: "What is it?"
It should be prepared for the fact that at first it will be quite difficult. After all, you are already accustomed to a certain behavior, plus cultivated deficiencies do not allow you to live peacefully. But you have to gather strength.
Be sure to become a self-sufficient person. After all, only this can withstand manipulation. It is impossible to command and impose something on a self-confident person.