It often happens that manipulators use criticism as an impact, and then their victims begin to make excuses. This is not a good tactic; one must act differently.
First, you need to understand that you are criticized because you agree to be treated like this. It is based on the belief that others have the right to judge you. What others know is best for you. That others are actually better than you - smarter, more experienced, more insightful. And so on and so forth. But is this true?
In most cases it does not match. It's just that such an attitude towards people comes from childhood, when parents convinced the child that he was small and stupid, and did not understand anything. This belief can remain with a person for life, and he suffers from every comment of others.
If you notice this property in yourself, learn to resist criticism.
One way is to agree. In psychology books, this technique is called "Go Into the Fog" or "Create a Smoke Screen".
If you imagine fog on the sea or on the lake - this is a weightless substance, and at the same time something that cannot be influenced. Voices are drowning in it, objects are not visible in it. And even if a stone is thrown into the fog, it will disappear without a trace, without changing anything in the state of nature.
This should be your state: if you begin to criticize - it does not affect you. It will not work right away, but over time, the skill will become your second "I".
What does it look like in reality?
Consider a specific example - a conversation between two colleagues:
- Listen, well, you dressed as always - in something baggy
- Yes, I agree, I look as usual
- Could pick something else, more elegant
- Yes, of course, I am quite able to do this
- And in general, how can you allow yourself to look like that, it's completely not feminine
- Yes, you're right, I was just thinking about it
- I think because of this you are not promoted
- Yes, for a career you need something else but brains
In this dialogue, one attacks and the other does not respond to criticism, but rather slightly scoffs at an aggressive colleague who is trying to spoil her mood through manipulations.
Notice - it is important to keep the internal state - it must remain calm. What happens to a colleague at this time is her business. It is important to understand that she is not smarter and not more experienced than you. And even more so, he has no right to tell you how to dress.
And it is important to understand the difference between friendly advice and criticism - these are two different things, and one can only distinguish them by the tone of voice. The tone with the complaint is criticism. A friendly and open conversation is the advice of a friend who wants good.
What is the most important thing here?
The realization that no one has the right to indicate how we live. However, this is not an aggressive defense, when you can say: "Do not meddle in my life." This is an elegant escape from conflict, saving nerves and training in communication, which is useful in communicating with loved ones.
The only difference is that we just need to repel the attack of a colleague, and we need to understand our relatives or friends, because they often criticize because they cannot express any request directly. But this is a separate and very important topic.