Resentment is one of the most destructive feelings. Because of it, the good things that happened in the past are forgotten, there is no full-fledged joy in the present and there is no way to create a favorable future, because it makes you experience negative emotions again and again. Paradoxically, although the offense is aimed at the one who caused the trouble, it does the greatest harm to the psyche and health of the one who cannot cope with this feeling, forget and forgive past situations.
You will need
- - office supplies;
- - literature on the psychology of interpersonal relationships;
- - literature on conflict resolution.
Instruction manual
one
To forget and forgive the past, try to understand the cause of the conflict. Most likely, in a fit of quarrel, the situation was not perceived adequately and you could exaggerate the strength of the insult. If some time has passed and you have calmed down a bit, look at the situation from the side. Write this story on paper - this technique will help to consider the situation more impartially.
2
Try to throw out your negative emotions. Only not on people around and without the help of alcohol! Sports or creative activities are best suited. Another good way to forget a grudge is to selflessly help those in need. By doing good to others, you will help, first of all, to yourself.
3
Do not accumulate resentment in yourself. If possible, discuss the situation immediately. Perhaps, having learned the motives of another person, you will realize that you should not be angry at all. If you cannot discuss with him, talk this situation with friends, a psychologist or a priest.
4
Stand in the place of your abuser. Think about why he did this. Perhaps, due to circumstances, he simply had no other choice. Then resentment can give way to a completely different feeling - empathy. This is much better than carrying a negative directed at another. Read the literature on conflictology and psychology of interpersonal relationships - it will help to understand the situation.
5
If the insult is too strong, repeat this formula: "I forgive you, (name of the offender), for what you (here tell the essence of the conflict)." You need to repeat many times until you feel that you are able to let go of the situation. Depending on the degree of resentment, this work can take from one day to several months.
6
Remember that you forgive first of all because you need it for the further full life. Therefore, do not expect the offender to be thankful and obliged to you for this. If he understands and realizes his guilt, he will apologize - good. If not, you should not concentrate on this. Keep building your life.
7
In some cases, it seems that forgiveness is possible only if you take revenge. But revenge will give only temporary satisfaction. Then, in most cases, the realization comes that if you did the same as the offender, then you yourself are absolutely no better than him. Therefore, all the negativity that was previously addressed to him can safely be thrown out in your direction. In this situation, you will not receive spiritual growth as a result of working on yourself.
eight
Learn to forgive not only others, but also yourself. We all make mistakes. Learn to treat them as life lessons. If possible, correct them. If not, think about what to do, and try to prevent this from happening.