Man is a social being. Each has interpersonal relationships and affects the inspiration. If a loved one has an addiction, then his relatives are involuntarily drawn into a state of co-dependence. The thoughts, feelings, and behavior of each are largely dependent on the life, thoughts, feelings, and behavior of others.
If a family has a person with a pathological craving for alcohol, then all its members become co-dependent. A co-dependent person, as a rule, has low self-esteem. The wives of alcoholics hope that they can make a difference, but fail, they have a feeling of powerlessness. Trying to save the patient, they only contribute to the fact that he begins to abuse alcohol more. Taking on the solution of all problems, the "rescuers" relieve the sick relative of responsibility for their actions.
A co-dependent person is often driven by a feeling of fear - fear of loneliness, a sense of anxiety, fear that something bad will happen. He considers himself offended, restrained and constantly afraid of the wrath of others. The wife of an alcoholic tries to suppress her anger, but as a result, she often spills out rage on the children.
Feeling of shame is co-dependent. They cease to communicate with friends, their social circle is limited to a couple of colleagues and acquaintances. Fear and anger cause a number of diseases: peptic ulcer, "neurosis" of the heart, tachycardia. Lack of a solution to the problem of co-dependence can cause early death.
How can we overcome the state of co-dependence? First of all, the co-dependent should recognize and acknowledge his problem. We need to work on changing our reactions, feelings, worldview. It is necessary to abandon the desire to control everything, and then confidence will appear, which will avoid alienation in the relationship. It is necessary to learn to distinguish between a person and his actions, and then it will be possible to respect his friends and relatives again. Strengthening attention to one’s feelings, emotions, and behavior will allow one to evaluate the situation and attitude to one’s life differently. You should not accumulate resentment in yourself, it destroys, it is best to forgive all your offenders. But their mistakes should be forgiven.
The next step is removal. Not anger or deprivation of a loved one’s love, but a retreat from insoluble problems. Worrying for an alcoholic or drug addict is completely useless; one should not be responsible for the lives of others. This positive attitude will gradually bring about a feeling of satisfaction and happiness.
This does not mean that the loved one should be denied the help that he needs. But it is worth realizing for yourself that no one can be helped against his will.
Effective for recovery from co-dependence and control over your emotions and feelings. You should change your reactions to what is happening and take everything as it is, abandoning negative assessments and total control. Do not let the addicted person spoil others day, month, life.
Getting rid of co-dependence is a long, painstaking work on oneself, but as a result, one who has managed to overcome the problem grows into a spiritually developed, harmonious and healthy person. When a person begins to change, the world around him changes.