Psychology articles are more and more full of headlines: "How to be yourself", "How to live without a mask", etc. But if you think about it, is it really necessary to always remain true to yourself or are there still nuances?
It just so happened that we live in an era of authenticity, where the erasure of the framework between deep inner sensations and what should be shown to the world is extolled. The idea of "being yourself" in this case determines everything in our life: how we love, live, build a career.
We strive to communicate with the same authentic people: we are looking for an authentic boss, an authentic partner, authentic friends. What can we talk about when the speeches of institute rectors begin, as a rule, with the idea of "staying true to yourself."
But for most people, being yourself is terrible advice.
In fact, your real "I" is not interesting to anyone. Each of us has such thoughts and feelings that we should keep to ourselves.
If you put an experiment and live in extreme honesty for two weeks, all your relationships with friends and colleagues, or perhaps with a love partner, will simply fail utterly. Saying everything you think is a bad way out. For several years, the writer A.J. Jacobs behaved completely authentically for two weeks. He told his publisher that he would have slept with her if he hadn’t been married, and told his wife’s parents that he was bored of talking to them. Without hesitation, the little daughter admitted that the beetle was dead, and not just dozing on her palm. He told the nanny that if his wife had left him, he would have invited her for a date.
Deception is what helps this world to exist. Without deception, all workers would be driven out, marriages would fall apart, and people's self-esteem would simply be trampled.
How we strive for authenticity depends on such a feature of the psyche as social self-control. It assumes the presence of the ability to analyze the environment for what should be done in a particular situation, to adjust their behavior to the circumstances. We hate social awkwardness and do our best not to offend or offend anyone. If our social control is poorly developed, then we are guided only by our own desires and desires.
Instead of trying hard to make the world understand who we are, try to understand first how he sees you, and only then become what you want to be. Be sincere, not authentic. If your behavior does not correspond to who you want to be, spend time developing so-called uncharacteristic behavior. For example, if you are an introvert, but dream of being in the spotlight, be! Practice public speaking, learn to deal with fears, be the best version of yourself.
This will definitely work. So the next time your friends vying to advise you to remain yourself, stop them. In fact, the world is not interested in what is there in your head. For him, you are of value only when your actions are not at odds with words.