From the first birthday of the baby, we not only care about him, but also build relationships with him. How to build relationships with an adult, at least on an intuitive level, we understand, but with a baby … For some reason, it seems that everything should be different. He won’t be able to answer right away, and doesn’t seem to understand what he’s saying … he’s still small …
There is so much sincerity, energy and personality in children … where does it all go when they become adults?
You will need
The desire to build a harmonious relationship with the child
Instruction manual
one
Talk with your child. It is important to understand that you are a guide to the world for the child, you open it to him. And it doesn’t matter that at first he doesn’t answer you - he gets used to the voice of his parents, to speech, brain structures that are designed to process verbal information are actively developing. Thus, you contribute to the mental development of the child. Through speech, the child learns to perceive emotions. Tell us what is happening around, what you see, how you feel. If you are upset about something, you can say this - this way the connection between verbal and non-verbal will be fixed. It is important to remember that the information should not be inconsistent - if your whole body, facial expressions, intonation say that you are upset, then your mood should be described in the same categories, for example, "Mom is a little upset today …" and not "Nothing happened. Everything is fine … "By sending conflicting information, you make it difficult to learn to recognize emotions, and when a child grows up, it will be difficult for him to trust himself - he will be guided by the words of a significant person, and not by his own feelings.
2
Since birth, children are true in their emotions. It is in the process of education that they learn to hide, replace, suppress them. Even if you don’t really like how the baby reacts - accept his feelings, he has the right to be angry and scream … Your task is to teach the child to express them in a socially acceptable way, but not to camouflage. The child builds his behavior based on your reactions to his needs. If a child demonstrates reactions from time to time that you don’t seem to be encouraging, for example, screams in the store when you didn’t buy something, it means somewhere you learned that this is how you can get what you want. It remains to understand when you managed to consolidate this and what were guided by - the minute “If only I stopped screaming …” or something else. Having understood this, you first correct your behavior and wait for the behavior of the child to change.
3
The predictability of the world. The predictability of the world is important for young children - this is how confidence in it arises in them, internal anxiety decreases, and the psyche is formed more stable. For example, the daily routine becomes recognizable with time and the child is internally ready and knows what awaits him. And when mother leaves the baby for the first time for a long time - she is not there and this is a fact, and when she returns - it is not a fact. Only returning time after time, mother teaches the child to trust. For young children, there is no concept of time and such a property as tolerating / waiting until they are familiar. If he is tired, he needs a rest right now … otherwise, vagaries, "bad behavior." With this in mind, it is easier for a parent to understand the behavior of the child. Only in an atmosphere of trust, love, acceptance - can a child fully develop. Of course, the world itself is unpredictable, and when the child discovers this for himself, he will already have the strength to cope. And there will be no need to control everything around to ensure this same illusory predictability.
4
Always ask yourself - what am I teaching the baby right now? Especially when you don’t know what to do - prohibit / allow, scold / praise. It can become a compass in the question correctly and or not correctly I act. When a child doesn’t want to share a toy on the playground, you can “persuade” him, based on considerations such as “It’s not good to be greedy, ” “What will the baby’s mother think that your child doesn’t want to share” … or he can decide he or not, this is his toy - these will be the first steps to independent decision-making, focusing on yourself and your desires. In addition, the self-esteem of the child will remain what is considered with him. Children generally do not have the concept of small / large - a different attitude. It is vaccinated by adults. You will be convinced of this when the child starts asking why you can, but he doesn’t, and the argument “Because you are small and I’m an adult” will not be convincing and insulting for him.
5
You are an example to follow. If you declare and demand from the baby, for example, a careful attitude to things, then you yourself must demonstrate such an attitude. Otherwise, it will be double messages to the child and will not have much strength. On the contrary, they teach the baby to say one thing and do it another. A personal example is a special force, as well as an example of another child’s bad behavior - if you pay attention to this and discuss it with your child, this may be enough to prevent him from behaving this way. Children learn a lot by looking at adults. A child is like a mirror of what is happening in the family, which parents teach by example. And if something appears in the behavior of the baby, which is alarming, this is a reason to generally understand how the family lives, which every parent teaches. The family is a system and all family members are interconnected.
6
Said - done! If you promised something to the child, you must definitely do it. And even if you threatened something with bad behavior, you will have to do it. Firstly, it forms a position of consistent behavior and a serious attitude of the baby to the words of the mother. Teaches mother to take seriously. Mom can not only joke and entertain, but also keep her word. Secondly, the child is accustomed to take responsibility for his actions, if he behaves badly on the playground - the promise to leave her, if the behavior does not change, gives the child the right to choose.
note
Remember that your childhood experiences with your parents and their interaction style will influence how you build relationships with your child. Learn to track this effect. This must be done so that your traumatic experience does not affect your child.
Useful advice
The child has everything you need for a happy life - help him adapt and reveal himself. This process cannot even be called upbringing - it is a co-existence of a new life. You are nearby and help to cope with difficulties, so that later he can do it on his own.