Why does one person play the role of the victim, and the other chooses the role of the pursuer in life? The answer to this question is given by the role model, which is called the "Karpman Triangle"
Have you ever been surprised that a normal adequate person in some situations begins to behave completely differently from what would be better for resolving some situations? For example, a woman suffers a friend who openly spoils her life, although she could calmly not communicate with her. Or a subordinate who has the opportunity to work in a more prosperous place, for years suffers bullying boss and complains about his friends?
These relations can be understood from the point of view of the benefits that people receive by taking one or another position in accordance with the role model of the Karpman Triangle.
The main roles are the victim, the stalker, the rescuer. The victim suffers great troubles of various kinds from the stalker and turns to the rescuer with angry accusations against the stalker. Is the situation familiar?
If we consider the situation from the point of view of the benefits of each participant, then a very interesting picture appears. What gives the victim a situation when someone spoils her fate? It would seem that she gets only the cons. But behind these minuses, there is something that makes her live through this situation again and again. This is an opportunity not to take responsibility for one’s life. “He ruined my life, ” says the wife of the drinking husband. But, in fact, she herself chose such a husband and has been living with him for 20 years in order to blame him for all her life failures.
And what is the benefit of the pursuer? He believes that the victim is to blame for everything that is going on around him, and therefore he arranges for her all sorts of intrigues. It is also a way to relieve part of the responsibility for your life, your failures and transfer it to someone else, as well as to feel your superiority and power.
And here in most cases a third role appears - the rescuer. Usually, the victim, having suffered from the stalker, goes to the rescuer to explain for a long time which stalker is bad, how he spoils her life. The victim seeks pity, confirmation of her innocence, releases emotional steam and for a while she herself becomes the accuser.
But what about a lifeguard? Why does he need all this? Usually in such a situation, the rescuer takes the side of the victim and, together with her, exposes the persecutor in his "bad behavior." The rescuer receives a feeling of subtle superiority over the pursuer and a false sense that he is helping the victim solve problems. Although in reality he is only participating in a game where everyone gets the opportunity to relieve himself of part of the responsibility for his life. The rescuer strengthens the victim in his innocence and gives her the opportunity to merge the negative. Sometimes the best friends, girlfriends, and even inexperienced psychologists fall into the role of a rescuer, who eventually realize that the effectiveness of such assistance is zero.
The husband-wife-lover relationship can be a classic illustration of these three roles. The husband is a persecutor, behaves unfairly towards his wife, his wife is a victim, he suffers bullying, his lover is a lifeguard who condemns the husband and feels his superiority over him.
To go beyond the limits of roles, it is necessary to realize all the benefits that this role brings in a specific
situation.