How to influence a person beyond his will, make him accept his opinion and fulfill his will? Great scientists and great dictators, diplomats and scouts, magicians and all those who wanted to command someone else's will and mind pondered these questions.
You will need
If we do not set ourselves such tasks, but only want us to be better understood and considered with our opinion, then it will be useful to get acquainted with the basic concepts and basic techniques for influencing a person. This will help us NLP, or neuro-linguistic programming.
Instruction manual
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Stage 1. Determination of the leading system of human perception, that is, the system that is dominant in the knowledge and perception of the world by man.
Experts identify three main ones: auditory, visual and kinesthetic. With a dominant audio system, a person perceives most of the information by ear - “hears”; in visual - perceives with images - "sees"; when kinesthetic - by actions - “does”. The vast majority of people have a mixed system, that is, the dominant is complemented by an auxiliary. For example, the “audio” often complements its perception with images: “hears the noise of the vast blue sea”.
How to determine the dominant human system? He will tell you about it! For the verbal (verbal) expression of their thoughts and desires is peculiar only to man. So, if a person speaking to you says: “Listen to me!”, This is not only an indication of his leading audio system, but also an invitation to communicate with him precisely within this system, that is, he wants to be heard. If he says: "Look at that!" - this means that he perceives the world through his eyes, and for him the surrounding images are the main source of information about the world. When he offers: "Let's go somewhere?" - this means that for him the action is a familiar and comfortable state. These examples are the simplest, but if you are more attentive to the statements of the interlocutor, you will find a lot of nuances in the manifestation of his dominant system.
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Stage 2. Adjustment. Adjustment is necessary to create a comfortable atmosphere and mutual understanding with your interlocutor, who must understand that the dialogue is conducted in a "single coordinate system." Many conflicts and misunderstandings occur precisely because people operate in different categories and do not find a meaningful platform for dialogue.
So, you carefully listen to the interlocutor, according to the moderators, you determine which system is the leading one. Listen to nouns, adjectives and verbs. What more? How does a person describe events, people, phenomena? When you understand what kind of system is leading, you can "tune". You begin to use approximately the same words and definitions, synonyms and antonyms, exclamations and rhythm of speech in your speech as your interlocutor. At first it will be quite difficult if your system is not "related". After some practice, you can easily achieve the required level of adjustment. For initial practice, listen to the conversations of your colleagues or people around you, speeches of politicians, celebrity interviews, etc., analyze them, identify the leading system. Try to write the text of the response speech, formulate questions for this person.
It is important that tuning be supported by other methods. First of all - fine tuning with gestures. The most effective way is mirroring. For example, a man sitting in front of you closed his palms. Close you too. He crossed his legs - throw you too, only the same as the interlocutor. If he straightens his hair or looks at his watch - “mirror”, but not immediately and clearly, but after a while. In other words, you let him know that you are "yours." In addition to gestures, you must take into account the rhythm of breathing and speech, the volume of voice, intonation, and much more. Let your interlocutor open up, and you will learn much more about him than perhaps he knows about himself.
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Stage 3. Impact. So, you have identified the leading system of your interlocutor and understand what language you should communicate with. Get started. If you want to make a request, a wish, a requirement - rely on the same operator words that he hears, sees, accepts for execution. At the same time, use gestures, intonations, usual for him, speech speed and features of expressing your emotions, only your message should be somewhat strengthened: slightly sharper gestures, slightly higher intonation, etc. You can choose the manner of bringing your interlocutor to the consciousness of your interlocutor yourself (calmly, aggressively, pleadingly), but in any case this should happen in his “coordinate system”. Once you understand that your promise has been accepted and your counterpart is ready for communication, we proceed to the final stage.
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Stage 4. Anchoring. This technique can be defined as "fixing the material passed." As soon as you understand that you are "on the same wavelength" with the interlocutor, you need to consolidate what you managed to agree on. Even if you couldn’t agree, the anchoring technique will allow you to “remind” of your conversation next time.
The most effective in the technique of anchoring are tactile sensations, "anchors". There are a lot of ways, and they are chosen based on the situation and the level of relations with the interlocutor. For example, walking with the interlocutor, at the end of the discussion, squeeze his hand slightly above the elbow, or squeeze his palm between his palms. It can be a special sound, for example, a light pop, some kind of special gesture, look, that is, something that will associate the topic of your conversation with you, it will be your personal sign. This sign should not be intrusive and should be in the "coordinate system". For example, if you are “seen, ” you should not say “call” or “cross”.
Next time, activate your “anchor”: take the person you are talking to by the elbow, remind him of the essence of the conversation in the “coordinate system”, continue communication on the wave in which your person is comfortable. Soon your requests and wishes will be fulfilled, and you will realize that you can successfully achieve your goals without scandals, reproaches and insults.