Disturbing expectation syndrome is common to many. The degree of inner confidence is different for everyone, and it happens that when the expectation of failure in some important matter for us literally overwhelms, then you have to resort to different methods (breathing exercises, switching attention, touching nature, finally).
But what is this anxiety and literally painful rapture with this “everything will be bad and collapse is possible”? The irony of the unconscious and everything from childhood, of course. Anxiety, fear of failure, fear of failure and failure itself are associated with the so-called prohibitions that were built into us by meaningful adults. The main prohibitions are several:
1. The ban on ideas. It is built into us if we were constantly told: “If you grow up, you will understand, it’s not enough to think, ” “everything has already been invented for you, ” “it’s not your business, ” etc. Subsequently, it appears as a limitation of "my ideas are worthless."
2. Prohibition of action. Associated with jerking in childhood: "Do not poke your nose, we will do it ourselves, " "you will do it again." Perhaps you were ridiculed when you did something. In adulthood, it manifests itself as a lack of motivation and confidence.
3. The ban on emotions, self-expression. The systematic depreciation of your childhood experiences. As a result, you decide not to show yourself, to shut down. The limitation - I - is not important, I am worthless.
4. The ban on success, the ban on a happy life. This is due to the promotion of the disease in childhood. They felt sorry for you, gave you warmth (actually, no) when you were sick, and the belief was formed in you that success is a disease, a happy life is when it is bad. It is here that I see anxiety in adulthood because of a possible failure, and simply - an unconscious perception of failure as a norm, as the equivalent of happiness.
What to do about it? To work with the unconscious, in coaching there are a variety of techniques in this regard. BUT, the very thing that we will begin to see, track, notice, has a therapeutic effect, and the problem loses its strength and charge. Well, and, of course, let this not all result in an accusation of parents. No, it’s possible and useful to get mad at them, but don’t blame them very much - they did everything as they could and in the best way at that time. And we have a resource to deal with this and overcome all the prohibitions.