They say that softness and kindness are the properties of noble natures. But, unfortunately, there is not always a place in the world only for nobility. If you do not learn how to be tough in time, you can seriously pay. Unfortunately, this quality is in demand today in relations with relatives, and with colleagues, and with friends.
Instruction manual
one
Believe that softness is not always good. Often softness arises from a desire to please everyone. A man tries not to hurt anyone by refusing, until he himself begins to "sink" under the weight of his obligations. By doing things for others, you are depriving them of the opportunity to learn to do the same. But life does not always present them with trouble-free people among friends or relatives. Sooner or later, they may face the need to solve their problems on their own. And if they don’t succeed, you can get not a portion of gratitude, but a portion of hatred because they did not give people a chance to try their hand.
2
Suspend communication with manipulators. If a person is gentle when necessary, and cruel when required, he acts adequately. If it is always soft, this is not the right adaptation to reality. But in order to learn to defend your position, you must first restore self-esteem. One way to learn to value yourself is to filter the social environment. Until you get out from under the yoke of manipulators and those who use you, it will be difficult to do all the next steps. Of course, sometimes this is difficult to do. For example, if the main manipulator of your life lives with you in the same apartment. But at least you need to reduce the number of people who use you. Think of a way to limit communication with such people.
3
Learn to understand exactly what you want. In the struggle for the ability to be tough, you need to get rid of the desires imposed on you. A gentle person often convinces himself that he wants to do the same as someone who uses it. And if the number of parasites sharply reduced, a kind of “breaking” begins. I want to help someone contrary to my interests, but no one. You must survive this period and try to find in your soul the sprouts of trampled desires. Having discovered them, cultivate these desires in yourself, give them time and attention. Having become more harmonious in relation to your desires, you will be surprised to find that you will not be less interesting to others. On the contrary, more people will appear around you who will respect you.
note
Remember: at the heart of dependability is a love of the process, not a result. Being soft to and out of place, it is as if you are executing commands from invisible parents who say, “Try hard!” Diligence is not the only way to success. Sometimes the ability to correctly distribute tasks in a team, to build common activities with people is much more important than the notorious diligence. Having learned to defend the boundaries of your responsibility, you will be surprised to find that the result of your work will only get better.