From time to time, every person experiences various kinds of troubles, which we learn to cope with all our lives. Back in the late eighties, the American psychologist R. Bray proposed an original system that helps to survive the hardships of life, which today is successfully used by many famous psychologists.
Instruction manual
one
Determine the cause of the trouble. R. Bray divided all existing troubles into 2 groups. The first group includes events that occur for objective reasons (illness of loved ones, accidents). To the second - troubles associated with the shortcomings and vices of other people. This is greed, anger, envy, betrayal, stupidity, deceit. If you carefully analyze all the unpleasant events that have occurred over the past year, you will find that most of them belong to the second group.
2
Try to avoid troubles caused by negative qualities or actions of other people. As Bray said: "Do not be sick with other people's diseases!". After all, you, for example, do not suffer from the fact that annoying mosquitoes annoy you. Of course, this is unpleasant, but you will not worry, just use the necessary remedy for protection. It is the same in life: it doesn’t make you worry if someone deliberately gives you trouble.
3
Do not waste energy, experiencing past adversities, do not experience the failure that has not happened yet - try to live in the present. Very often, a person begins to worry about those negative events that have not yet occurred (and it is not known whether they will happen) or to scroll through past hardships in his head, incredibly complicating his life. Meanwhile, we forget that real life is very good and prosperous, wasting time on experiences. “The burden of the future, added to the burden of the past that you take upon yourself in the present, makes you stumble on the path of even the strongest. Isolate the future as hermetically as the past. The day of salvation is today” (R. Bray).
4
Do not make an elephant out of a fly; do not exaggerate the size of the disaster. How often, in moments of failure, our emotions take over the mind and overwhelm us with negativity! Moreover, they have the ability to grow exponentially. And now we are telling ourselves: “I will never succeed!”, “How unlucky I am in life!”, “My life is sheer disappointment!”. Exaggeration is not true; it is a lie to ourselves.
5
Each event has its own term. R. Bray writes: “If circumstances are stronger than you, do not make this tragedy. Bend like grass under the snow, remember that spring will come, and you will straighten up.” If something happened in your life, take it for granted, try to survive. Live on the principle of "do not think about what cannot be changed." The most important thing in this period is to try to accept grief and prepare for a future happy life.
6
Do not flaunt your experiences. Many people mistakenly believe that the troubles presented are losing their power. Manifesting externally, they only intensify, forcing a person to experience grief again and again, along the way bringing suffering to those who are nearby.