Some people clearly know what they want, they can achieve their goals and defend their positions, while others are not able to take a step without someone else’s hint. Why it happens?
Katya chooses a green dress in the store because all her friends approved him, prefers music that is in the top of music programs and agrees with the majority opinion, taking their decision for her own.
If you ask this fictional Katya the question of what exactly she wants, the answer will be short: "I do not know." And after all, she is not an exception, among us there are a lot of such "Kat" of different ages, professions and even gender. Yes, men who are not able to make decisions independently exist too.
To understand the essence of what is happening, it is necessary to return to childhood again, where, most likely, an anxious mother is present and the following happens: the child is simply not allowed to make independent decisions, whatever they concern. “Take off this terrible sweater and put on the one that I bought for you, ” “Where is I studying for an actor? What kind of nonsense? You’ll go to lawyers, they pay well, ” and so on. It is understandable, his parents love him, worry and want the best. It never occurred to them that, in this way, they are teaching their child to give up their desires. So do not blame them.
At first, of course, any child with a healthy psyche rebels, demands his own, does it in defiance, but over time, under tight control and pressure, he simply gives up and gets used to doing as caring parents tell him. It turns out a very convenient offspring - he does not want anything, is not capricious, and does everything that he is told. Yes, and with guilt in addition. After all, as adults say, trying to impose their own? "We want the best for you, we are trying, but you do not appreciate, ungrateful." And he is grateful: every time he wants something, objectionable to his mother or father, he will feel like a real traitor, almost Judas. And then what?
Many years later, we see a seemingly adult person, smart and handsome, who can fully exist only in merger with someone: first it’s parents, then friends, husbands and wives. He alone is anxious and lonely, and why, he does not understand. This is fertile ground for the development of neurosis and the manifestation of all its "charms" in the form of phobias, vsd, etc. And thank God if this happens: the depressed parts will begin to rage, forcing a person to deal with himself, and this is personal growth, revaluation of values and gaining yourself present.