I occasionally decided to tell you about some of my consultations. These are stories that are often in our lives, but for the most part people do not understand why this is all happening.
At the consultation in front of me is an adult gray-haired man, a teacher, married, has an adult son, friends and everything seems to be going as it should. However, fears, anxiety and lack of self-confidence have jammed so much over the past couple of years that he first began to work it all out himself. It has become a little easier, but he can no longer cope and asks for help. We are looking for a trigger, I only ask questions so far, the client answers and stretches a thread from fears, anxieties and insults to childhood, to the garrison in the steppe, to the papa-military and imperious mother, who had a difficult military childhood, full of deprivation and the struggle for survival.
Having become a woman, such a mother does not know how to physically and mentally speak kind words to children and, remembering her hardships in childhood (the habit of living without excesses and saving), she raises children in severity and without excesses of material and emotional. And the children want mom’s warmth and to buy rubber boots in which you can run around with other children in puddles, coming in the summer from your garrison to the steppes, where there is no rain, to the village of grandparents in the middle zone of the USSR, where often rains. Boots do not buy, they give someone ragged, with a hole through which water is poured. But sons are punished severely, for any childish prank that develops a persistent fear of punishment. And now my client lives and grows, learns, marries, raises his son, teaches other people, and in his head he has for these years resentment for not bought rubber boots, for indulgence in childhood and a persistent, speculative habit developed from childhood to go into resentment for to any trifle (then, they won’t punish anyone for anything, or maybe they will leave them alone, they won’t touch them at all) and, as a result, he plays the role of a victim all his life.
And mother, by virtue of her authority, is now confident that she has not yet educated her son, grandson and daughter-in-law. And, violating all the boundaries of the family and the individual, he tries to control everything that is happening in their family and builds communication in such a way that even on the phone, the conversation begins with the son with a feeling of guilt before his mother that he has already done something wrong (his son will soon be 60! !!) And summing up all of the above, my client is already tired of this from everything. She quietly hates her mother, is annoyed at herself, that she cannot confidently object to her (she immediately feels guilty). Tormented by his anxiety, poor sleep and various fears. We work with a client and I see how balls of resentment and guilt burst, how in the process of work, he makes discoveries of his relations not only with his mother and family, but with others in general, immediately rethinks his relationships with students (for me straight yes, congratulations to you guys)
A client with three main insights for himself leaves me from this consultation:
- All his life he lived in the position of victim, he unconsciously did not like this role, but he was chosen by him in childhood, for relations with dominant parents.
- Awareness of all their actions and deeds, rather than shifting responsibility for their actions and emotions to others.
- He is the master of his emotions.
When the client passed insight number 2 through himself, then insight number 3 revolutionized his thinking, he even wrote it down. In general, a lot of discoveries happened at the client during the consultation, despite the fact that he himself was already starting to work on himself, but while working on himself, he subconsciously cherishes his bag of insults and sacrifice. There will be more consultation with him, we will continue to work, for too long and too long he carried a bag of unconstructive emotions on himself, that would solve everything at one time, but the fact that the dynamics are very positive is what I, as a specialist, bring satisfaction, because I for paints in life and straightened shoulders.