Can a person “unscrew” undesirable aspects of character from himself, like obsolete details, and fasten new and better ones instead? We confidently answer "yes", trying to re-educate another person. We wonder why he does not want to try to react differently to life, because it is so simple! Changing the reaction is indeed one way of changing the character. But we will not experiment on others, but on ourselves.
Instruction manual
one
Recognize the fallacy of spontaneous response. Stephen Covey, in the book “Seven Skills of Highly Effective People, ” says that there is a pause between the event and our reaction to this event. People who react to everything spontaneously immediately pour out emotions (or are filled with negative). There seems to be no pause at all. In fact, their pause is so small that they are simply used to not noticing her presence. Before moving on, admit that this approach is a mistake.
2
Start pausing. In the parables of Solomon, a man who does not have his own spirit is compared with a ruined city. In ancient times, cities were surrounded by high walls, as a defense against external intrusions. If the walls of the city are destroyed, any enemy will take possession of it with ease, taking advantage of a sudden invasion. But the events to which we react incorrectly appear just as suddenly. So are there any walls around our city? “Of course they are.” You just need to learn how to control your spirit, and for this - to fix a pause, at least for a moment. Suppose you don’t hold back again, but for now. Begin in each sudden event to see a pause. You went into the kitchen to drink water. Just picked up a mug, your favorite cat decided to scratch its claws on your nylon tights. Pause. You are standing at the bus stop, all the cars are carefully driving around the puddle. Taxi rides at speed without turning and splashing you. Pause. You came to work in a good mood, but this Petrov, as always, ruined everything. Pause.
3
Control the length of the pause. When you get used to fixing a pause, you must learn to hold it longer than you could before. Then you will out of habit pour out emotions. But do it after the pause is sustained. You are already close to learning how to manage your condition.
4
Choose a reaction. A pause is given to you precisely in order to make a conscious decision. This is where your character manifests. What are your habits? How do you usually react to events? Now you can consciously change your reaction, thereby changing your character. Practice your reaction choices and notice big changes in yourself.
note
Animals react due to instincts. A person differs from an animal in that he has the freedom to choose his behavior and reaction. This is a natural gift that every person has. It manifests itself precisely in the presence of a pause between the event and our reaction. Never doubt that you also have this freedom.
Useful advice
Read Stephen Covey’s book, Seven Skills of Highly Effective People. There, he sets out his view on character change.
- What is character
- how to change your reaction