Touchy people tire of others. The feeling of resentment destroys the psychological comfort in communication and negatively affects the mental health of the offended person. Why is it important to rid yourself of resentment? And how to do it?
What is a grudge?
Resentment arises most often as a result of the mismatch between our plans and reality. Deceived expectations give rise to unconscious claims in the person to the world and people. Resentment is dissatisfaction with events or a particular person, one’s social status, appearance, and, in general, a life in which, as it seems to an offended person, he does not have enough of the necessary goods: love, warmth, or more material things - money, comfort, success, high marks.
Negativity is directed at a specific person or group of people and, as a rule, leads either to an external conflict, or to “self-eating”. Touchiness, expressed externally, inevitably leads to alienation, to the loss of ties with loved ones, to the destruction of relations, to scandals.
Resentment experienced in silence entails no less serious consequences: evil directed inwardly, as a rule, leads to psychological destabilization, to mental disorders, to bodily ailments.
Physically, a person experiencing resentment weakens, becomes less resilient, more vulnerable to disease. The psyche suffers: chronic resentment can lead to depression, to obsessive states. Doctors suggest that excessive touchiness can lead to manic-depressive psychosis. Another serious consequence, according to doctors, can be an oncological disease. In a state of resentment, brain function is disturbed, perception is distorted, and immunity is reduced.
Offended, a person cannot think constructively, fully work, enjoy life, he has "everything falls out of his hands", he can be pursued by failure. Even a feeling of love, spoiled by resentment, acquires the character of a painful dependence, a “damned” attachment of the offended to the offender, and over time can develop into real hatred.
Resentment as a tool to achieve the goal
Another feature of resentment expressed in a pointed manner is the tendency to manipulate. Typically, demonstrative resentment is used as a psychological weapon in a relationship to evoke guilt in a person. Thanks to remorse, driven by sympathy or pity, a person becomes more malleable, and most often gives us what we are achieving. True, sometimes we get what we want only formally.
Too frequent manipulation with the help of resentment leads to a loss of sincerity in the relationship. And sooner or later, the moment comes when they either give us what we are trying to achieve, as if trying to get rid of the bored claims - or stop responding to insults, just not noticing them. Often such emasculated relationships simply end, and feelings fade away.
How to overcome a grudge?
Avoid emotions. Imagine that you have exchanged places with the offender. Try to understand it. Perhaps the person does not even suspect about your problems, and neither in sleep nor in spirit, as they say, knows that you are offended? Or maybe his rudeness is caused by personal pain? Or maybe you unknowingly caused this pain?
Try to accept the circumstances, the people who surround you - for granted. Think about what can be improved and what can be reconciled with?
Remember: you can not improve your own life, trying to change the people around you. Only by changing the attitude towards life and people, through our own improvement, we can change the quality of relationships. In other words - if you change yourself for the better, then the attitude towards you will change.
Sometimes resentment has good reason. Does your friend or loved one humiliate or insult you? You may have problems with self-esteem. It is necessary either to put in place the offender, having openly shown his negative attitude - or to put a protective barrier between the offender and himself. Sometimes it’s better to stop such a relationship altogether - of course, if we are not talking about close relatives, children, parents.