It is unlikely that there will be a man who did not have to make excuses at least in the details. But what lies at the heart of the desire to justify itself, why are so many people so persistently trying to prove their innocence, non-involvement in any event or its randomness, unintentionality?
Few in childhood did not have to make excuses to their parents or carers for any misconduct. For a child, the desire to avoid punishment for pranks is quite natural and understandable, but for many people the habit of making excuses remains for life. Such a person, in his characteristic hypertrophied manner, was perfectly described by Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol in the story "The Death of an Official." Accidentally sneezing at the general sitting in front of him, the hero of the story Chervyakov is trying to justify his misconduct. Anyone who has read this story knows what this ultimately led to - the official is dying.
So what underlies the desire to make excuses? There may be several reasons. The first, most obvious one is a person’s desire to shield himself, to evade responsibility. To prove that he is not at fault for what happened. This is the case when a person does not recognize his very involvement in the event. He is ready to shift the responsibility to anyone, if only he himself is not responsible for the misconduct.
The situation is more complicated when a person has really committed some kind of misconduct, admits this and tries to explain why he did this. It is widely believed that if a person makes excuses, then he is to blame. The origins of this opinion lie in human psychology - even if a person is absolutely not guilty and he managed to prove his innocence, some unpleasant aftertaste still remains. That is the famous "Smoke without fire." The well-known technology of denigrating a person in the media is built on this principle: a deliberate lie is written about him, and even if he manages to justify himself, his reputation will be greatly undermined. A justified person involuntarily loses respect in the eyes of others, so it is worth making excuses as little as possible. But are there situations where an excuse, but rather an explanation, is desirable?
First of all, it is important to understand what drives a person to make excuses. Very often, the basis of this desire is the ordinary ego - a person is worried that others will think about him, how they will perceive his misconduct. The counterweight in this situation is humility. It doesn’t matter what they think about you, whether you are guilty or are being slandered on you - humble yourself. An exception can only be made if it is not an excuse, but an explanation of your action will benefit those with whom you are talking. Try to explain to the person his mistakes, his errors in this situation, but only if you see that they can hear you. If you don’t hear or just don’t want to hear, humble yourself and leave everything as it is. And this will be the best way out of the situation. The truth is always triumphant, a humble person necessarily wins. It should be done as simple as possible: to blame - just apologize, but don’t start to make excuses, explain the reasons for your act. Not guilty - humble yourself. Do not argue, do not prove your innocence. Especially if it is not about the situation of life and death, but about some commonplace everyday situations.