Autumn has long come into its own, it freezes on the street no worse than in Narnia during the reign of the White Sorceress, and the mood of others is not at all romantic. So, it's time to talk about some of the pitfalls and dark sides in a relationship. One of them is manipulation. What is it?
What is psychological manipulation?
This is a hidden psychological device by which a person tries to change your behavior or perception of any things in your favor. The bad news: you may be affected by manipulation for years and not notice it. In toxic relationships, this is generally very difficult to recognize, because all these tricks seem to be something familiar and mundane: "Manipulations? Why are you! We always communicate like that." There is good news - if you really decide to deal with this, you can not only detect the manipulator, but also protect yourself from such things in the future.
Where do the manipulators come from?
The simplest example is that a child, already realizing that his mother will do anything to calm him down, begins to sob sobbing, trying to achieve the desired result - a harmful candy or an expensive toy. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yes, each of you probably did something similar in childhood. There is even a theory that the American writer Joe Duncan actively supports. It lies in the fact that all the manipulators in the soul are just children. And in order to interact with them correctly, you need to turn to the "inner child", and not to the external adult mask. Behind her is a wounded kid who can’t forgive anyone’s actions in the past and now plays out on others.
But the psychologist Harriet Breaker claims that they become manipulators for a number of other reasons: from boredom and fatigue to the need to advance one's own goals and achieve a sense of superiority over people.
What else can be manipulated?
1. Feelings
It can be a feeling of guilt and resentment when the manipulator tries on the role of the victim; a feeling of anger when you are specifically brought out to mirror emotions. Even love can be manipulated - when they immediately respond to your refusal: "Do you not love me? If you love, you will definitely do it!"
2. Actions
Silence or ignoring to reduce the self-esteem of the interlocutor or simply to put pressure on him. The rule of mutual exchange - the manipulator provides you with a small service, it seems to be free of charge, but actually with the expectation to subsequently ask for something more ambitious.
3. In words
There is a destructive and unreasonable criticism here, acting flawlessly, especially on sensitive people. And vice versa - the principle of positive motivation. In itself, positive motivation is a useful thing, if you use it for the good. But the manipulators have long learned to use it for their own purposes and can praise you for those actions that benefit them, but not for you and society.
