Negative events in one way or another leave an imprint on the person's personality. Psychologists have noticed that people who survive divorce are much more prone to depression than those who are happily married. But this is not a reason to despair and humble oneself. Knowing how failure could affect you can start working on yourself to minimize negative consequences.
Instruction manual
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Fear. The most common consequence of any problems in your personal life is the fear that this can happen again. The reason can lie both in early childhood and in relations that have ended recently. If the child’s parents did not get along and quarreled constantly, it is quite possible that when he grows up, he will not rush to start a family. Survivors of a difficult separation, people also usually do not seek to open up in a new relationship - the traces of the loss are still very fresh. But the problem is that fear, as a strong emotion, contributes to the formation of precisely that strategy of behavior that leads to a negative result. Therefore, it is very important to realize your fear and try to free yourself from it.
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Almost every mature person has deep fears, often unknowable. To understand what exactly you are afraid of, try to devote at least one hour to this business. Sit in a calm place and try to describe what you are afraid of. At first, all sorts of simple objects and phenomena, such as darkness or mice, will come to mind, but then you will get to major psychological problems. Remember that fears fade already from the fact that you admit to yourself in them.
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Mistrust. Those who survived betrayal or deception by a loved one often become distrustful, they are afraid to open up, they are jealous and always suspect the worst if the new partner does not pick up the phone. If you want to make new relationships, but failure in the previous ones does not give you rest, you understand that you do not trust others, then try a technique such as modifying experience. Imagine a painful situation, remember it in detail. Can be written on paper. And then burn this paper! And now write again how everything was - only without betrayal, in a new history everything should be fine. Reread. Write at the end: "I trust my partner and open up new relationships." Not necessarily in these words, but the statement must be positive and reflect the meaning.
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Emotional instability and a tendency to co-dependence. This problem, which appears after unsuccessful personal circumstances, is especially common in women, but it also happens in men. Having survived an unsuccessful episode, a person begins to fear that this will happen again. But instead of avoiding “problem” people, for example, emotionally unresponsive partners or those who are held captive by mortal habits, the “victim”, on the contrary, seeks people of the same type. Psychologists have not fully figured out what is pushing people to strive again to embrace death, perhaps the reason for this mechanism is that a person subconsciously seeks to correct the past by “re-educating” his new partner or having suffered all the humiliations from him.
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Another reason for constantly choosing the wrong partner is that if someone is used to the constant emotional tension inherent in problematic relationships, a good and good partner will seem boring. For example, this is often the case with children raised in alcoholic families. If you understand that you have this problem, and you are not able to deal with it, it is best to contact a specialist. There are books and psychological techniques to deal with this. The fact is that the deeper the injury, the more difficult it is to heal it yourself. A qualified psychologist will be able to see patterns and typical problems in your situation that you yourself may not think you are.