Cheating on a loved one is a severe blow that causes suffering, destroys relationships and entails the loss of confidence. Sometimes cheating becomes the cause of prolonged depression. A person who has survived adultery has to learn to trust again.
You will need
- - calm;
- - the ability to forgive;
- - faith in oneself and people.
Instruction manual
one
Cool down. When you first found out that your loved one has changed, you are overwhelmed with emotions. In psychology, this condition is called an affect: from excitement, dizzy, the earth goes underfoot and it seems that the world is crumbling. Being in a state of affect, a person is ready to tear and throw. A person engulfed in emotions is, in fact, capable of causing trouble, so before you take anything, you need to let the emotions calm down. Otherwise, you can do something that you later regret, and it will be impossible to correct the situation. Try to let off steam so that no one (neither you, nor the traitor) is hurt: scream, cry, beat the pillow, but do not make hasty decisions and do not break the anger of others.
2
Try to understand. Each action has its own reason - treason is no exception. An old Native American proverb says: "Before you judge a man, try walking in his boots." Imagine yourself in the place of a traitor and ask yourself the question: what exactly could prompt him to commit this terrible act? Perhaps your passion lacked something in a relationship with you? Psychologists argue that women who cheat on their husbands are often pushed into someone else's bed by deep dissatisfaction with marriage. This applies to men to a lesser extent: more than half of male traitors say they are happy in marriage. You can directly ask about the reasons for the betrayal. If you do not want to see and communicate with him personally, you can write him a letter.
3
Sorry. Pain and resentment will torment you until you find the courage to forgive yourself. Malachi writer McCourt said that being offended is just as stupid as if you had drunk poison yourself, but would have expected your offender to recover. Regardless of whether you hope to continue the relationship with the person who cheated on you or not, try to forgive him. Try a technique from psychotherapy: visualize a person’s face as brightly as possible and mentally repeat that you forgive him. If you are sincere in your attempts, over time you will feel relief, liberation, purification.
4
Do not be disappointed. Often, people who have experienced adultery are disappointed in the opposite field and generally in love. Do not bear the flaws of the one person who betrayed you, at all. If one person cheated on you, this does not mean that there are no people in the world who can be faithful. And perhaps the traitor himself bitterly regretted his deed, and will never repeat this monstrous mistake.
5
Believe in yourself. If a loved one cheated on you, this does not mean at all that something is wrong with you. Remember: you are worthy of true, sincere, faithful love. Do not betray yourself, do not let treason undermine your self-confidence.
note
There is a saying: if a person offended you, you should be grateful to him, because the offender teaches you how to not act. Now you know from your own experience what pain infidelity causes. Do not repeat the mistakes of others.
Useful advice
Any difficulties that a person faces may be a reason for growth and personal development. If you can deal with this situation constructively, it will make you stronger, wiser. If you decide to carry a grudge in your whole life, it will poison your life for a long time.