The most hateful question for children is also the most popular among adults: "Whom do you love more - dad or mom?" He introduces into the child’s head the idea that one of his parents can be better, more authoritative. Over the years, this idea is transformed into an internal conflict. And already an adult is tormenting himself with the question of what to do - as a mom or as a dad?
You will need
If you want to reconcile dad with mom in your head, you will need some time to sort out family conflicts. Even if you avoided talking and thinking about them, you will need to give them some time before they stop ruining your life.
Instruction manual
one
Believe that differences in attitudes between parents are good, not bad. First of all, try to be deeply imbued with the thought that each of the parents is right in his own way. Imagine yourself in the role of an arbitrator who wants to objectively understand the conflict. Try to understand the motives of both participants. Why are differences in understanding parents' lives good? They provide you with different strategies for adapting to life.
2
Determine in which situations it is worth acting like a dad, and in which - like a mom. Generally speaking, women usually teach children to adapt to the world without changing it. "Do not lean out, do not argue, do not conflict, do not swing the law, " - this is their life credo. Men, on the contrary, teach children to adapt the world to themselves. “Dare, act, fight, defend your rights, ” they usually say. The secret of happiness and success is to be able to use these strategies for the task. Adaptation is always inadequate. The constant upholding of rights and attempts to remake the world is also far from the norm. Dad and mom also own both strategies, just different of them prevail. So take an example from them.
3
Get ready for heart-to-heart talk. There are situations when conflicts are better said than hushed up. If you grew up in a single mother’s family and you don’t have a relationship with the opposite sex, you need to understand why the mother was left alone. Learn from her example, how not to behave so as not to become a single mother. Even if she assures that the father who left the family is to blame for everything, do not be a naive person. Try to understand what is in her that attracted an unreliable and dishonorable man. Work on yourself so as not to repeat her fate.
Useful advice
The first step towards reconciliation of parents in their inner world is a desire to pay attention to scandals, quarrels and conflicts. But not with the aim of repeating them or losing again. And with the intention to understand how to act it is not necessary so that these conflicts do not migrate from their life into yours.