Death is an existential reality. She just is, whether we want it or not. A person who reconciles with the fact of his finiteness understands the true value of life and knows how to enjoy it. Why worry about something you can’t avoid? And still, when our beloved people leave us, emotions are covered with our heads. The pain of the loss is so strong and it seems that you are on the verge of madness.
The period of residence of grief proceeds through 5 stages:
- The first stage begins from the moment when a person learns the sad news. The first reaction is denial. He does not want to believe what they told him, he can “not hear” and ask the speaker several times. The thoughts rummaging in my head: “Maybe this is a mistake?”, “I guess I’m all dreaming of this, ” “This cannot be, ” etc. Thus, a person stubbornly tries not to let in a shocking reality, to avoid mental pain, to protect himself from suffering. This phenomenon is a psychological defense. At this moment he can think objectively, reality is perceived as distorted.
- Then comes aggression - a more active resistance to what happened, a desire to find and punish the guilty. As a rule, those who brought the news fall under the arm. And often a person can direct aggressive actions in his address. All his gut screams and gets angry, not wanting to take a painful given. “Who is to blame?”, “This is unfair!”, “Why exactly he?” - Similar questions fill the whole consciousness.
- Having changed nothing with the help of aggression in the second stage, the grieving person begins to bargain with life and God: "I will not do this or that, only let everything return, I wake up, everything will turn out to be a mistake.." Whether or not a person believes a miracle, an opportunity to change everything. Some go to church, some resort to the services of sorcerers, others simply pray - actions can be anything, but they are all aimed at changing the reality.
- It takes a lot of strength to resist and once a person is de-energized, a period of depression sets in. Nothing helps: no tears, no action. Hands drop, interest in everything is lost, apathy covers with his head, sometimes a person does not want to live, feeling worthless. Guilt, despair and helplessness lead to isolation. Often, the grieving resorts to excessive use of alcohol and drugs in order to somehow alleviate their torment.
- The final stage is characterized by tears that bring relief. There is a shift in attention to positive memories of the deceased. Humility comes with the realities of life, the inevitability of death. Raging emotions gradually subside and are replaced by quiet sadness and gratitude to the deceased loved one. A man regains his inner support, begins to make plans for the future.
So there is a loss of living in the ideal form. But sometimes a jam occurs at one of the stages for a long time. In such cases, when the mourner does not have enough of his resources, it is worthwhile to seek psychological support, where the remaining stages will be completed with the specialist.