Words like "I love you" or "I love her / him" are the most mysterious miracle in the world. Everyone who says them means completely different things. This article is devoted to the difference between love and dependence.
A person has 4 main neurotransmitters responsible for everything that we do. But, first of all, for the feeling of our happiness: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphin. Accordingly, the same number of love addictions: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin.
The dopamine type of love is love that lasts three years. It is normally very useful, important, necessary. This is a very strong feeling, so some people need to get stuck in it 5 times in their ears, so that by around the age of 30 they get used to a little bit, get a certain resistance, tolerance to this feeling and understand that this is not true love.
What is this feeling responsible for? Dopamine love is responsible for making the object of love the goal, the object of lust, desire, to achieve its reciprocity. Dopamine strongly stimulates, gives strength and motivation to action. Therefore, I want to take steps, call, write, go on dates. Also, dopamine helps people want to be better than they really are. In general, dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for the formation of all addictions: alcoholism, computer games, etc. Dopamine is a feeling of strength, attraction, desire.
When dopamine love can become a problem and addiction? The first three years in any relationship, it is this type of attachment that prevails to join different characters together. He becomes a pathology only if a person uses only this type of attachment, without developing and deepening his relations. Today, the environment and culture provide us with a lot of opportunities for this. This is called Don Giovanni Syndrome. It manifests itself in the desire to conquer a person, achieve reciprocity, and then quit. This leads to promiscuity - a constant change of sexual partners, in which everyone becomes one person with time and does not cause interest. Such a man is a bachelor, considers himself "discerning", and in essence, unhappy and lonely. Such a woman - looking for a prince on a white horse, but having failed to form a deep type of affection for him, again loses interest.
Love is, first and foremost, an attitude towards a person, that is, an intention (often popularly referred to as the mind), and not just a feeling. This desire to receive not only superficial, stimulating, exciting emotions, this desire to know everything with this person, the different facets of being. Thoroughly research.
The next type of love is serotonin. Serotonin is responsible for respect and status in the hierarchy: how important we are, needed, cool and who I am. Serotonin is a jubilation, a triumph, when you are very very pleased with yourself, you already want to laugh, it is a feeling of pride and vanity, triumph, victory. The whole bet is on becoming someone important, necessary, then to enjoy this feeling bestowed on you by another person.
This becomes a pathology when some people begin to very strongly use flirtation and betrayal. That is, relationships are teeming with betrayals, the sufferings of children, that is, when villainy arises in them.
The oxytocin type of attachment is paradise, this hormone is responsible for tenderness and for confidential proximity. The basis of a biological living relationship is the relationship between the mother and the baby. When a mother, at the expense of her sensitive concern, subtle mood for a child, perfectly feels all his needs, almost without words. Oxytocin closeness is a very pleasant warm feeling that sweeps a person in waves. It is associated with empathy and is prosperous. With such proximity, you are immersed in a person as in space, this feeling is very tender, and after it a pleasant, soft waste.
In some women and men, it becomes a pathology because it causes co-dependence. When it’s impossible to maintain a healthy distance in a relationship with a person, and all the time you want to chisel him. For this, the object that this feeling is directed to is specially made helpless. These situations are created so that he needs you, because, in fact, you cannot be alone and be yourself. This is a strong violation of personal boundaries. In such an excessive proximity is not good, it interferes with the development of the object to which it is directed. Sozavisimye - often those people whose parents were alcoholics or drug addicts. This is explained by the fact that under the influence of alcoholic intoxication the parent had a state of blissful ignorance, which a child in need of love took for a desired delight, intimacy and acceptance. Females are more oxytocin creatures than males. But the women of the daughter of alcoholics or drug addicts are the most oxytocin creatures. Such a woman can ruin her son by her behavior. Because in any, even in close relationships, there must be a certain healthy distance.
What does it consist of? Respect and acceptance of a person as he is. The ability to be separate, independent, independent.
Endorphin addiction is associated with experiencing the pleasure of physical pain that one of the partners causes to another in a relationship. Sometimes it can be expressed in a surprisingly irrational and difficult to fix tolerance for physical violence in relationships (here it is neurobiological aspects, and not social or psychological). Or in adherence to sadomasochistic elements.