Most often, the habit of not taking responsibility, and shifting it to others, begins to take shape in early childhood. Many times have heard such phrases from children: “He first started, ” “It's not me, this is a cat knocked over a cup, ” and something like that. Where do these habits and beliefs come from that it’s not me who is to blame, but someone else?
Young children - until about five years old - live in their fantasies, which for them become reality, and they are not able to separate one from the other.
Children's fantasies
For example, when a child is passionate about the game and imagines himself in the role of some kind of animal, more often a cat or a dog, he begins to perform some actions and actions characteristic of this animal, completely not separating himself from his image. And when one of the parents enters the room and sees scattered things, torn paper or scattered books, then most often to the question: “Who did this?”, The baby answers: “It's not me, it's a cat.”
What should parents do in this case? First of all, do not panic and think that the child is lying to you. If this happened for the first time, then the further behavior of the child will depend on what kind of reaction the parents follow after his act. If mom or dad accuses the child of lying, then next time the parents will not be able to wait for the truth from him, and gradually the child will begin to shift the responsibility for all his not very good deeds to someone he imagines at that moment.
To prevent this from happening, it’s enough to listen carefully to the child, sometimes even assenting to him or nodding your head in a sign that you are carefully and seriously listening to his story, and then say that his story is very interesting, but now you need to put things in order together.
Thus, the parents will show the baby that he does not need to be afraid to tell the truth, and no one is going to punish him for his fantasies, but he needs to take responsibility for his actions and put things in order, and the people closest to him are ready to help him.
Observation of the words and actions of parents
Unwillingness or inability to take responsibility is formed in the child and based on observations of the actions of adults: especially parents, grandparents, or older sisters and brothers.
If a child hears from a mom or dad the phrase: “It’s not I who work badly, this is the boss we aren’t normal” or: “It’s not me who forgot to buy food in the store, you didn’t remind me, ” he remembers such settings: you can’t take responsibility, and blame someone else for some kind of failure. You can give a lot of similar examples that are familiar to almost any person.
Hyperopeca
Another option is hyper-custody of the child. When the baby stumbles and falls, he very often hears these words: "It's the fault of the pebble, let's punish him so that he no longer comes under your feet." If the dog suddenly barked at the child, this does not mean that it was her fault, perhaps the child teased her or waved her hand, and after the aggression from the animal, he cried, got scared and ran to complain that the dog barked at him. And instead of first finding out if he is the reason for such an animal’s behavior, most often the parents side with the child and begin to lament: “Oh, what a bad dog, let's drive her away.” A child develops a behavior model, when he can easily blame his own actions on someone.