Sometimes between loving people there are outbreaks of aggression. They say that dear ones scold - they just amuse themselves. And indeed, most often violent quarrels are replaced by fervent reconciliations, and life goes on. But it happens that natural love aggression begins to grow, destroying the world of love, which is becoming more and more fragile.
Why does aggression arise between loved ones?
It is believed that loving people should experience extremely positive emotions when communicating, but in practice it can be much more difficult - in dealing with a loved one you can encounter irritation, icy cold, and rage, and, accordingly, claims, anger and resentment. Why do close people who have the most tender and passionate feelings for each other sometimes become angry and behave as if a black cat ran between them, as they say?
It is noted that close people injure each other much more often than strangers. The stronger the attraction and closeness, the more destructive are the passions that sometimes boil in this intimate personal space. Negativity in close relationships is inevitable. Accumulating in the form of misunderstandings and insults, he concentrates in aggression and can blaze up with such a scandal that the lovers themselves are at a loss after that: maybe something is wrong with them? Or did something happen to the relationship? The myth of "sublime love" crashes as soon as the sound of broken dishes "in the hearts" rings in the home of two loving people.
As a result of such outbreaks, feelings of guilt and resentment appear. It pushes people away from each other. They become for each other a source of painful experiences. Feeling guilty leads to the fact that you want to hide from a loved one, the feeling of resentment - to reproaches, thanks to which the negative accumulates and turns into another "pitfall". What to do in such situations? How to avoid the escalation of tension in a relationship?
Aggression between people is inevitable. It’s not worth the effort to “not notice”, restrain, hide it. The spring, in the end, will open up - and aggression will get a new round. It is necessary to understand that aggression is a completely natural thing between people, and to learn to express dissatisfaction with each other is adequate, without turning irritation into a difficult quarrel, which invalidates everything positive, good and bright that was in the relationship.
Learn to express claims to each other
- Do not draw "reinforced concrete" conclusions: "This is his true face" or "She was always like that, just disguised." These conclusions do not say anything about a person, except that in a nervous breakdown we simply do not know how to control ourselves.
- Exclude obscene language from the lexicon. Calling, humiliating the dignity of a loved one, you thereby reduce his self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem will either try to offend you even more painfully, or simply leave the uncomfortable personal space in search of a person more loyal to his shortcomings.
- If you notice irritation and even hatred in yourself, do not be alarmed. Find the reason for the negative. Perhaps for this you will need to honestly look at the situation and understand that it is not your loved one who is to blame, but you yourself. Try putting yourself in the place of another. How would you behave in his place?
- Having found the reason and considering it compelling, talk with a loved one, showing maximum benevolence and patience. You may need to repeat your request “do not throw your socks” or “do not throw light on the toilet” more than once. In no case do not break into arrogance: "Am I supposed to repeat the same thing three hundred times?" or "You have not learned to hear me the first time"? Habits are very difficult to change, and bad ones too. You will either have to eradicate them slowly, or put up with them and not rub your nerves in vain either to yourself or to a loved one.
- Do not hide what torments you. Perhaps you have a high level of anxiety, responsibility, or are you overly jealous? These are your problems that you can discuss with a loved one, but in no case is there a reason to break your own anger on him, to remove psychological problems. Saying aloud that you are not allowed to enjoy communication calmly, while the problem has not yet become overgrown with negative emotions, you are as if confessing. admit your own imperfection, lighten the soul. And the only thing you want is for a loved one to simply reckon with your inner flaw, a problem that causes mental suffering.
- Learn to express your thoughts, discuss situations, armed with positive emotions. Do not neglect the "pink glasses" when communicating with a loved one on a sensitive topic. The more benevolence and love in you - the friendlier your loved one, the easier it will be to make concessions, understanding, agreement.
- The problem should not look like a complaint. Explain what is bothering you. Argument - specific facts act much more convincingly than labels: "You infuriate me", "That you behave like Don Juan" and so on.
- Know how to stop in time if you feel that one of you has "suffered." Perhaps your loved one is in a difficult condition and does not perceive your request or problem quite adequately. Then you can use the "white flag", surrender for a while. Do not be afraid to give up and recognize the winner in a loved one - it’s your own, and the world between you is much more valuable than a victory won at the cost of psychological injuries or proven righteousness that can become a source of emotional discomfort for a loved one.