It seems to be a betrayal (it doesn’t matter, spiritual or physical) is not death and not even a disease, but the pain causes such that sometimes you think "It would be better if this person died than changed!" But what happens to the one who cheated? Sometimes traitors themselves execute themselves no less.
Instruction manual
one
First of all, if you utterly sincerely repent of the perfect and are sure at least that from now on you will do your best to never betray your loved one again (provided that you remain loved), do not talk about treason! Do everything possible and impossible so that the information does not reach him. You can consider this concealment a lie, but a moral crime has already been committed, self-eating will suffice you for the rest of your life. With the initial “keep the relationship (family, love)” it hardly makes sense to hurt someone who is nearby.
2
Managed not to tell, not to give out, the relationship intact? Now forget the episode yourself. This is especially important so as not to cultivate guilt, otherwise love, which can still be preserved, will become torture for you. Without justifying your own weakness, explain to yourself what happened and influence the reasons. Why did you take this step? If the reason for the lack of sex in marriage, talk with your life partner, consult with sex psychologists. The lack of attention was of decisive importance? From your act of attention there will be no more, probably, you should think about how to interest the partner yourself or teach him sensitivity. Remember the main thing, how and why you were together, because your love arose not only because you were given flowers or were ready to do foot massage for days.
3
If you still need to admit to cheating, think about all the possible consequences, since you will have to worry about them, and not cheating. Will you be understood in your impulse and intention to maintain a relationship? If so, then one must admit very carefully, but decisively, demonstrating a readiness for insults and temporary cooling of feelings. Remember - even with the most understanding and forgiving partner, you and only you will have the maximum responsibilities for the normalization of life together. Or are you, being sure that understanding and forgiveness will not happen, decided to end the relationship in this way? In the second case, you probably don’t expect any special experiences, so it’s worth considering how to avoid repeating previous mistakes in a new relationship.
4
There remains the option that you are experiencing the torment of conscience, regardless of whether your relationship is saved or ended. Complacency in this case will take place according to the pattern of acceptance that you probably know from books and series: denial, anger, bidding, depression, humility. The difference is that you have to accept not a fatal diagnosis, but yourself in order to become better, so the scheme will work with some nuances.
5
Do not deny the incident, the fact is not going anywhere. Consider this a test of willpower that you did not pass, but at the same time new training opportunities opened up.
6
Do not scold yourself too. You are only human. Weigh the circumstances, understand that self-abasement will not help anyone, but awareness and honest conclusions will help for sure.
7
At the bidding stage, it will be tempting to blame others for your own weakness: spouse, lover (lover), parents, friends … Despite the fact that the logic of events will always allow you to shift part of the blame onto someone, do not get carried away. Otherwise, self-justification will turn you into a victim of circumstances, ready to continue to change, since it is only a victim.
eight
Depression (not in the clinical sense) should not be delayed. On the one hand, it is a heavy indifference, on the other hand, paradoxically - an emotional rest. Do not let yourself drown in longing and guilt and do not relax in the nonsense of too long. Everything has reasonable limits. Take the time to rebuild or strengthen relationships.
9
Humility does not mean that you can give up on everything. Humility in this case is an exit to a new qualitative standard of living. Treason is a failed test, but overcoming one's own guilt is a new test that cannot be failed. Try hard!
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