How often people take offense at each other for nothing. Perhaps most of the grievances arise from the fact that a person does not know how to distance himself in a conflict and accepts everything personally. Is there a technique that will allow us to avoid resentment and learn to hear each other? How not to take everything into your own account and understand what the interlocutor is talking about, even if he is rude and not restrained in communication.
You will need
You come into conflict and intend to resolve the difficult issue kindly, but your interlocutor is clearly not tuned to a peaceful solution to the problem. On the contrary, he is rude, turns to personality, and now you boil and, possibly, get out of contact, disconnect. It happens that this behavior is justified - you protect yourself and your borders. You do not want to be hurt. This is normal. But it happens that a person is dear to you or you cannot avoid meeting and communicating with him. What to do? How to learn not to perceive everything that they say to you personally. And is it possible?
Instruction manual
one
Whatever you are told, be aware that if your opponent is opposed to you and broadcasts something very unpleasant, rude, most likely he is talking about something that concerns him, but not you. In psychotherapy, this phenomenon is called projection. Someone feels bad, but will argue that you are bad. It’s best to skip it.
2
Are you disturbed by someone else's behavior or words addressed to you? Are you guessing what this would mean? Why doesn’t a man say hello to you, or throw a jerky "Good afternoon!" and trying to hide from the eyes. He probably doesn't like you! But do not rush to judge. Maybe it's not you. This is how introverts, shy people, those who are prone to mood swings, and depression are behaving. In general, there can be many reasons for this behavior. And if you are tormented by the question of whether it’s your business, the best way to dispel doubts is to approach and ask directly. Do not expect a direct answer. But in any case, you will see whether it is worth continuing communication and trying to get in touch with a person.
3
If someone is criticizing you, listen to the criticism. Try to hear your opponent. Ask yourself if there is truth in his words. Perhaps he is right in something, and you can learn something here and now. One should not believe one - when someone speaks not about your actions or achievements, but about yourself. You are not stupid, you are just stupid. Or a fool from birth. And your hands are growing. Everyone knows from which place. Such criticism is not a criticism, but a projection.
4
Try to look at the situation from the side. What would you say about the conflict, be you an outside observer, not an interested party.
5
Realize and accept the fact that you cannot be good for everyone. Remember the saying. You can flatten out like a rug, and still there are people who will complain that you are not flat enough to walk around you.
6
Remember that your mistakes or comments addressed to you do not define you as a person.
7
Most importantly, remember that your self-worth depends only on you. No one can tell you that you deserve less, or are someone less and less. No one has such a right.
note
Always try to tell your interlocutor how you feel. If you are touched by other people's evil or rude words, say so. And warn that you are not going to communicate in this way. Keep your word. If you are not heard and continue to attack, end the conversation and leave.
Useful advice
Before entering into a conflict, remember that you always have the right to refuse communication. You can just leave, having pre-voiced the reason, which is simple. You do not want to talk now. Dot. And you do not have to explain why.