Self-pity is destructive for a person, in this state he closes, it becomes difficult to evaluate his actions and behavior. Of course, in almost everyone’s life there were moments when a sense of self-pity manifested itself especially sharply, but only the ability to assess the situation and draw conclusions distinguishes a person with a strong spirit from a person who is used to and who is comfortable living in a victim state.
The main reasons for self-pity are a sense of hopelessness, powerlessness and the feeling that you are underestimated. If a person accepts the state of affairs “as is”, that is, openly declares that he is weak, then after a while they begin to regard him as a weak one. A person gradually slides down in the social and professional spheres: interesting projects at work cease to entrust him with, and trust to resolve important issues. Moreover, it does not matter whether a person speaks out loud about self-pity or experiences it internally - non-verbal signals are so well captured by others that words are not necessary.
Over time, even friends and relatives begin to avoid such people - no one wants to feel guilty for other people's troubles and sorrows. The fact is that people, mired in self-pity, try to manipulate even their friends by building a dialogue so that others feel guilty and obliged. Dependence on a portion of compassion appears, a person begins to look for reasons to pity himself.
Try to analyze your actions and understand the cause of pity. As soon as the true cause becomes known, pity will decrease.
The main reason for self-pity is that the person has not matured and is trying, as in childhood, to “take with tears, ” or in improper upbringing, when parents indulged the child in everything. But an adult should be able to build his own destiny and work on mistakes. If you notice that you call your friends too often to tell you about your next failure, it’s best to make an appointment with a therapist.
A systematic and focused movement forward under the guidance of a therapist will help break free from the shackles of pity. Features of childhood and the attitude of parents, of course, affect a person’s adult life. But living under the guise of a mask of an offended and disliked child is impossible. There are many people in the world who are ready to give you love, friendship and attention.
Help those who need help even more: work in the dining room for the poor, help for the seriously ill. Spend as much time as you can afford, but not at the expense of yourself.
Pity is a destructive feeling, it prevents a person from making decisions, and he ultimately refuses actions that could change his life. That is, constant fear and self-doubt are products of pity. It is possible to neutralize pity, but this will take a lot of time, first of all you need to do self-discipline, starting with the simplest tasks. Set goals that are easy to achieve, for example, always wake up at the same time, do gymnastics. The goals where the resources of the body are involved are the easiest to fulfill, but they help you to believe in yourself, get used to the fact that if you move in a given direction, then any task is feasible.
Do not immediately take sharp steps, do not leave work, where you are supposedly not valued, do not break off relations with friends. Just look at your life from the other side. People who have been with you all this time while you were in the grip of self-pity and did not give up friendship are certainly worthy of communicating with a person who has changed for the better.